all i want is to be anything you want
im still bleeding
the blood runs faster than the tears but god
the tears have so much farther to fall
nothing matters at all
i wish i knew who i was going to grow up to be so i could decide if i should kill mvself or if this is worth it somehow because literallv nothing matters right now at all
Why can’t you remember the simple things you tell yourself, the right things, the truths, the easy ways and the rules???
Why do you risk it all? Why do you risk a fall?
Because of lucid day light dreams, when spring and summer whisper things of such delight and moonlight gathers in drops and pools in quiet night, they shine and glint glitter you’re baffled at beauty so fake and thin and short lived youd think you knew love and were loved
You’d think you knew love.
Hands shaking like i need it
Hands shaking like i am afraid
Stood around in the bathroom crying with a razor but i didn’t cut anything.
I felt p good about that and started to feel better until i came out and now i just want to go back in and do what i should
They’re not that important.
Laying on the opened scars hurts but it reminds me of direction, correction, redemption…
Besides, isn’t the pain the point of it all? The stinging and bleeding and feeling.
When i tell myself i deserve it i get the most satisfying buzz at the tips of my fingers, but a cold dripping vibration, noting warm, and my eyes sting wet so i have to blink to hide it
And it makes me wonder if i don’t at all
that’s all there is for someone like me
i only have like two “friends” and one “friend” makes me want to go home and kill myself when i talk to them i don’t know how to get out of this relationship i already tried I’m so embarrassed
i can’t do it right i can’t do anything i just need an accident but i don’t want it i just want a shift but shifts don’t happen gently
You should have cut harder you should have cut deeper
I don’t want to anymore
I have washed orange down the sink